I have noticed that I don’t write much about Marie these days. I write about general things. But I have shied away from my thoughts and feelings about being her parent. I think that’s a disservice to me and to those who read my blog. My dealings with her are a large part of my daily life. For me not to talk about those struggles is as if to omit them. And for what purpose? To make my life appear as if it were happy and good and shining bright like the sun? Not that my life isn’t good or happy. But still, my family is a daily fight for all of us. Simply being together in the same room can be a struggle.
I believe I have not spoken so intimately about my struggles with Marie out of fear. In fact, I still get butterflies when I get a comment notification waiting for approval. But acting out of fear is not the way to live. If I choose not to write about a particular topic, it should be based off of something tangible. Not the elusive concept of fear. The “what ifs.” That is just Satan trying to get into my head.
My struggles with Marie are real. And tense. And I know I am not alone in those moments that are most difficult.
I got smart this time and set a timer on my phone so I could officially write for 5 minutes! It only took me a few years to notice I could do that.