Surviving

Heart Day breakfast, 2015

I don’t feel bad that my Valentine’s Day wasn’t full of romance and special surprises as I am accustomed to on these special days. I didn’t spend time feeling sorry for myself, scrolling through date night pictures on Facebook while I spent the day watching TV with Mr. Sexy and trying to keep the kids from driving me crazy. I just felt bad when I would hear the quick, tight breaths coming from Mr. Sexy, telling me he was going through yet another moment of intense pain that his medications were not taking care of.

Mr. Sexy did think ahead, though, and had a few gifts prepared for me. First was the arrival of the strawberries on Friday. These weren’t ordinary strawberries. A few were covered in milk chocolate and chopped peanuts. A few more were covered in a darker chocolate and mini chocolate chips. And the last few were encased in white chocolate, drizzled with dark chocolate. Mmmhmmmm. It was a wonderful treat over the weekend. Then on Sunday I opened my gift: more chocolate, the perfect Love card and a massage. Paid for, monthly massages for the entire year.

I could see Mr. Sexy was miserable. Not only because he hasn’t been able to get off the couch since Wednsesay, but because he felt bad about my Valentine’s Day. Bending down to even give me a kiss was inconceivable. I do look forward to Valenitne’s Day every year because Mr. Sexy believes it’s a Special Occasion for HIM to gift ME. And so I always look forward to spending some extra money and getting fancied up for date night at a more expensive restaurant. Perhaps we will still do that, when Mr. Sexy doesn’t need his pain meds and when his neck brace is off.

Heart Day Date Night, 2015

Mr. Sexy has described his pain over the last three months as the worst he has ever gone through. Worse than being stabbed by a crazy person, worse than a broken nose and beat up pride. Even worse than the days when he woke up daily to every joint in his body aching, fighting the will to get up out of bed.

 

Post surgery

Since his surgery, however, it has been much worse. Now, when you ask him how he’s doing, he will say something like, “It’s more than I expected, but I’m ok.” By “ok,” he means he is still living and breathing. But that isn’t my definition of “ok.”  Surgery was scheduled only a few days in advance – this was the doctor’s idea, not ours. Had we realized the intensity of his recovery, I would have not scheduled myself to work parties and would have been a bit more prepared. But oh well. I made some money and Mr. Sexy survived being left home with the kids. It actually woked out that Michael was home this weekend. He loves being in charge of cooking meals for he and his sisters. He also likes the freedom to not have any responsibilities – so he can spend the day in his underwear reading his Star Wars books.

It’s hard for me to understand what Mr. Sexy has been going through these past months. He prides himself on that, I think. He enjoys being strong for me, taking care of me and loving me in the ways God has blessed him to be able to do. But as much as Mr. Sexy tries to mask his struggles, I know him well enough to see that he is not okay. He hasn’t been okay for months now.

In October, he injured himself – we think by being overzealous with a tire. Mr. Sexy, being the man he was created to be, waved off the injury and went about life as usual. But when a month went by and he wasn’t right yet, he started visiting the doctor. In the midst of doctors asking questions and scheduling MRIs, winter was happening. With winter comes snow. And this year, contrary to last winter at our house, we had snow trouble on our driveway. This resulted in our one vehicle getting snowed in to our driveway a few different times. And each time, Mr. Sexy was out there breaking his back to fix the situation. Thus, exasurbating his injuries, I believe.

So far, it seems surgery has been a success. The pain Mr. Sexy is experiencing is different than before. It’s related to his surgery, not to what happened in October. It’s now Day 6 of recovery, and Mr. Sexy is slowly improving. He is still taking his pain medications, but he is also having conversations with me and smiling – even laughing every once in a while. This may all sound silly, but in comparison to last week, this has been awesome.

Pre Surgery