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I WILL DO…

Thanks Les for a great morning read! Because I can’t comment on certain blogger’s sites (and blogger and WordPress don’t seem to care), I suppose I can leave my comment here since I am linking up today! How silly is this. Anyways, this post was actually particularly meaningful for me because I am pregnant – and have had many emotions about the fact I am growing a human. And it’s all because of that wonderful monthly shedding that causes the tears during Dancing with the Stars and the anger when Mr. Sexy forgets to turn the heat down at night. Our bodies are magnificent. Thank you for reminding me!

Wondering what the heck I’m talking about? You can see Les’ post here!

 


 

 

But now for my post.

 

This past year I have struggled through some downs and celebrated victories with my Pure Romance business. Yet, through all of it, I was not where I wanted to be. At just about every party I had done, I came home to a husband ready to celebrate my successes, while all I wanted to do was look at where I went wrong and figure out how to fix it. Sometimes, when I would share a success with my PR Mama but downplay it as a, “it should have been better,” success, she would look at me with crazy eyes and say something like, “Girl, you did something amazing! You need to pat yourself on the back and enjoy this moment of success!” So I tried, but still, I’m the type who needs to be doing my best – otherwise, in my mind at least, I fail.

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I Am…

Mrs. Sexy.

And we are the Sexy family. 

I’m sure this name makes some people uncomfortable. Some don’t care and may even see a bit of comedy behind it.  Then there are pervs.  There are always pervs.  It just comes with having such a

sexy name, I guess.

Obviously, I use pseudo names. When I first started this blog I knew immediately what names to use for my kids. Then it was time to start talking about my husband.  Since he is obviously the Most Sexy Man Alive (he is still waiting for national recognition), Mr. Sexy was born.  After some more writing I decided, why not?  Mrs. Sexy makes total sense.  And then, the Sexy family became our family name.

I use pseudo names in order to protect my family from “trolls” or other unwanted “guests.” Now, I do realize that with the name, “sexy,” pervs gravitate towards that word.  When it comes to isntagram I have had to do some deleting and blocking.  But other than that, it hasn’t been a big issue (knock on wood – or something like that).

I had another blog a few years ago that got a little crazy.

I learned what an internet troll is: a person who happens by your blog once, makes a judgement, and says mean things – at least, that’s what I have read as the definition

However this troll took her thoughts too far.  She wrote a blog post dedicated to me for her thousands of followers to read.  She shared my blog address and any other personal information she could find.  This lead to more emails than I care to remember from strangers across the country telling me horrible, terrible, disgusting things.  The one that still stands out the most – mostly because of how ridiculous it is, is this: “You should give your daughter up for adoption.”  I mean, seriously.  It made me laugh then and it makes me laugh now.  Because that’s the answer to our problems.  We should give them away.  Pretend they don’t exist.  Treat them like garbage.  Thanks for the heart felt advice lady!  You are going to miss out on a lot of good things in life with that attitude.

Ahem. Okay.  I’m calming down now.

Anyways things escalated to the local police being notified as well as Child Protective Services.  Our family and friends were getting nasty emails as well.  That was pretty horrifying.  In fact, because of the emails, one of my “good” friends quit talking to me.  Deleted me on facebook.  Not one word.  Although, she de-friend-ed me after sharing my struggles with her friend.  This friend whom I did not know yet lived in my town, emailed me randomly with a long LOOONG story about her own plight with a child with disabilities.  It ended with her kid dying due to a seizure and she felt guilty because she was having a hard time with her kid… Moral: Always give advice to perfect strangers via facebook message because that is the best way to offer a helping hand.  Do you hear any sarcasm dripping from those words?

Wow.  I need to calm down!

So, there you have it.  I use pseudo names and am very protective of where we live.  So far, there have been no trolls on this blog.  But if they do happen by, we will be somewhat more protected.

I’m Sexy and I Know It

Thank you Rory for such a fun topic!  I love just about any excuse to talk about… well, okay.  I typically save this subject for my girl friends.  But today, it’s here at 5 Hearts.

July, 2011

What makes me feel the most confident/attractive/sexy?  Do I think I’m sexy?

This is today’s topic.

When I got married I joked with Mr. Sexy that I was in the best shape of my life and he better enjoy it because once pregnancy would hit it would be gone forever.  So far that seems to have been a true statement.  Now, I’m not fat.  But I’m not super thin and fit like I once was.  And in my warped view of what sexy is/looks like: I, apparently, am not sexy.

I tell Mr. Sexy about how when I walk I can feel all my body parts jiggle and my thighs are huge and my arms ripple when I wave.  He laughs and tells me that I’m stupid for worrying about stupid stuff.  He doesn’t actually say I’m stupid.  He’s much nicer than that.  Silly is a better word.

However, I don’t quite believe him until he pulls me in for a passionate kiss and then I can feel just how sexy he thinks I am.

Some days I do feel sexy.  It’s largely based on my mood.  Which is highly effected by the weather.  So basically, winter sucks and summer is great.

So between you and me: I don’t typically feel all that sexy. I wish that I did.  It’s something I am working on because I should feel and know that I am sexy every day.

July, 2011

But wait.  Perhaps sexiness and attractiveness and all that stuff is a bit more than just a feeling?  Perhaps it’s knowing that I generally eat appropriately and I’m a fairly active person.  Feelings lie all the time.  Yet I give them a lot of weight in my life.

I grew up looking towards boys to make me feel attractive.  I knew I was hot enough when they wanted to sleep with me.  Those that didn’t or didn’t seem to try, well, I wasn’t good enough for them.  I hope my own daughters don’t have to deal with so much pain.

Now, I look to my husband to feel attractive.  Every once in a while I can see that a man walking by might look me up and down and the thought crosses my mind that,  I still got it.  But really, those boys don’t matter.  What matters is my attractive husband who daydreams about me at work even though he will be coming home soon.  That’s how much he likes me.

In a perfect world I would be content with my imperfect body and completely be confident.  Sadly, it’s not a perfect world and I, like many other women, struggle in feeling “good enough” for my husband because of my own comparisons to others.

Do you feel sexy/confident/attractive in your life/marriage? 

It’s Good When…

You know a book is really good when:

It’s all I can think about. 

I talk about it like it’s real life happening in the here and now.

I dream about it. 

It ends but I want it to keep going forever. 

 The Nancy Drew series were these kinds of book for me as a young girl.  It was nice that it was such a huge series but it never did end until I grew out of them.  In fact, I believe I should credit this to my mother, but I still have all my Nancy Drew books for my own girls to read at night while hiding under the covers with a flashlight!  Yup, I did that.  A lot.

More recently, I feel like the caliber of what I read has gone down.  The most recent page turners I have read are the Twilight books and the Hunger Games series.  That is the best literature I have read in years.  I feel…lame.  Yet I can’t seem to find adult books that keep me interested.  I feel like I should enjoy John Grisham.  But I don’t.  I mean, I liked the one book I got through.  It was called “In Cold Blood” or something.  However, I think I made it through that book because it was a true story so I enjoyed the reality of the story – as dry as it was for me to read.

I would like some suggestions.  Reading is so relaxing, calming and works my imagination like nothing else.

I have always enjoyed mystery (unless I find it so creepy I won’t turn the lights out at night) and a good love story.

Oh! Christy, in my opinion, is a classic and I’ve read that book countless times!  Maybe I should just reread that one for now….

Driving

If I could go back to my childhood, what thing would I do now that I have missed as an adult?

Driving.  

That’s my answer.

Don’t get me wrong, I do plenty of driving as an adult who lives in the woods with three kids and a Mr. Sexy.  But it’s just not the same as when I was 16.

When I was 16, I enjoyed driving so much!  It was relaxing, enjoyable and a wonderful break from teen-life stuff.

As an adult, driving makes me tense because I worry about the three hearts in the car with me.  I also have learned not to trust the idiocy that is other drivers or the slick roads in the blizzard of winter.

When I was 16, I turned up the radio, rolled the windows down and would cruise.  Wasting gas?  Naw.  I was getting high on life.  That is definitely not a waste.

As an adult, I drive from point A to point B and pay special attention to how quickly I’m pressing into the gas.  I have weird visualizations in my head of extra gas being used when, in fact, it’s probably not. There is no more cruising around town for me just so I can feel the wind in my hair.  Plus, my kids don’t like the wind in their face.

When I was 16, my car was my safe place.  It gave me a sense of freedom I hadn’t known before.  For the first time, if I really wanted to, I could gas that baby up, stuff it with as many belongings as I could fit and drive away without looking back.  Did I ever do that?  No way.  I’m not actually that adventurous.  But the ability and the possibility was exciting.

As an adult, I don’t have “my car.”  I have a family car full of carseats and leftover snacks and lost toys. In the backseat is Michael who makes all of Denai’s noises in full volume.  Then Denai starts to scream because the sun gets in her eyes.  And then Marie, who just sits and enjoys the ride.

When I was 16, I was a chauffeur and I loved my job.  If someone needed a ride I was there.  Not enough seat belts?  No worries.  I would drive extra safe…that was the intention at least.

As an adult, I’m still a chauffeur but it’s just not the same as it was when I was 16.  My passengers don’t like the same music as me all the time.  My passengers also get cranky and don’t bother trying to hide it in order to be friendly and polite.  My passengers are also always the same, for the most part.

So, if I could go back and bring something from my childhood to my adult hood, it would be driving.  The carefree, no worries, no true responsibilities type of driving.

Coffee Chat: Go Away Silly Trends!

It’s Coffee Chat Tuesday!  Written on a Monday night.  Oh yes, I’m sneaky like that.

This week we are filling in the blank: I would like to see               trend disappear in 2014.

There are a few “trends” I’m not a fan of but the one I’ll bite from is cyber bullying.

I would like to see the cyber bullying trend disappear in 2014.

Will this happen?  Now way!  But I’d like it to.  It would  be nice.

I’ll admit that I’m extra sensitive on the subject these days.  That sensitivity is what causes me to see it all over the place and sometimes in the simplest forms, perhaps with someone I know as the instigator of the negativity.

The fact is that cyber bullying, in my opinion, is easy to get involved in.  It really takes just one person to make something blow up on the internet.  Even when I don’t agree with what the person being “bullied” has said/done, I still feel empathy for that person.

So often people are downright mean and dirty when it’s just words typed across a screen.  I’ve been guilty of being that person.  I’m not proud of it.  In the moment I would say I didn’t even realize the weight of my written words.

For me, writing through the internet can be very personal and liberating; yet at the same time I don’t see a human being staring back at me.  I just see my own words with my tone and my expressions.  Oh yeah, you guys can’t hear my tone or see my expressions.  All you can see are my words.

With twitter, instagram, Facebook, youtube and a host of other networking sites, it doesn’t take much for a story to spread through the cyber space.  On the brighter side perhaps this causes some to think twice before writing something that is potentially going to be misconstrued as something different than the original intent.

Personally, in a perfect world, I hope we each would approach each other in a private message about the offense before sharing it with the general public – if it needs to shared at all.