“You should have gotten a degree in entrepreneurship,” Mr. Sexy said as he carefully strapped his neck brace on.
“Why?” I was standing in oversized sweatpants and t-shirt, rubbing Save My Skin on my growing baby belly.
“Becasue you’ve got the right mindset for it.”
I looked up and smirked. “Well, I was supposed to be an amazing Weather Girl.”
Mr. Sexy laughed. “I knew you were going to say that.” He was done fiddling with his neck brace and was now coming into the bedroom.
“Isn’t it interesting?” I commented. “I grew up with one man telling me what he thought I could be. And now there is this other guy in my life who tells me I can be so much more.” I was talking, of course, about Mr. Sexy. Neck brace and all.
As I have grown older, there are moments in time that remain cemented in that long term file of memory. How did those get filed? I’m not really sure. My working theory is that these were the impactful moments. The words or actions that shaped me into womanhood.
I’m sure my father had huge aspirations of me being a doctor or a scientist or a lawyer – like all parents, right? But those are not the ideals I heard. At least, if they were voiced, it’s not what stuck. What stuck was this idea that working at In-N-Out Burger (this was the “dream” when we lived in California) or as a Weather Girl (after we moved away from the In-N-Out restaurants) was where to aim my gaze for a future.
My first job was at Taco Bell. I moved on to Pizza Hut. Then to Taco Time. Let’s not forget Jamba Juice and a small town donut shop. I had a one tract mind. Food industry. But I knew I could do more. I could be better. So I went to school and got my Bachelor’s Degree in Radio/TV/Digital Media Production. Jessica the Weather Girl was ready to be born.
I never did put any effort into becoming a Weather Girl. Instead I acquired my MRS degree along with my bachelor’s and took on the stay-at-home-mom-and-wife gig. That was the real dream. I never wanted a real career. I would probably fail at any kind of “real” job I tried my hand at. And my degree? I felt like a fish out of water through all of my specialty classes – as fun as they were.
Staying home with the kids and taking care of the house while the husband spent his daylight hours at the office is what felt safe to me. It was a dream I knew I could achieve. It was easy. And I did it well.
However, I don’t think I was designed for the mundane in life. I think I was created to dream big and shoot for the moon. But as quickly as my big dreams were birthed, I pushed them aside for what was more realistic: I would never be an amazing movie producer. I am not creative enough to be a decent cinematographer. I don’t have the balls to even apply to be a Weather Girl. I realized that while my tongue says, “I can achieve whatever I set my mind to do and I can be great at it,” my mind and following actions actually said the opposite.
I don’t feel sorry for myself. I’m still doing the wife and mom gig at home. I’m also a business owner. But now I’m allowing my tongue and my mind to dream about a big future and I actually believe it can be achieved. I’m not perfect nor am I the best at what I do. But I do have drive, stamina and an amazing support system.
Every time I see the Weather Girl on TV that same joke runs through my mind. There is nothing wrong with men and women who tell us about the weather. It’s good information and I know these days there is schooling to become a Meteorologist. What makes me laugh is that used to be the “dream,” and I didn’t even realize it. It wasn’t something I voiced out loud, it was something I saw in my mind. I saw it in my mind because a seed was planted and I watered it until I decided to finally let it die.