Mr. Sexy is back at work after two months of disability leave. In October he injured himself throwing a tire into the back of our truck. Two months later the pain in his back only worsened causing sleeplessness, increased irritability and a lack of functionality in every day life. He then made the decision to work from home. But after a few weeks, as we finally started getting answers about his injury, it was suggested by his doctor he officially go on disability leave.
I do not believe in chance. Everything happens for a reason. Our pregnancy. His injury. Going on disability leave. Heading back to work. Timing can be everything. During this chain of events, timing was everything. In the moment I knew it, and looking back I see it even more clearly.
Of course, that doesn’t include me and Mr. Sexy. We are an amazing couple. Always managed to see beyond our rose colored glasses. Always aware of the world spinning around us. Always making smart choices for our future, hand in hand.
Looking back, our engagement and wedding bliss is full of emotions. Some are sad. Some are embarrassing. The rest are wonderful. I knew what kind of bride I was. The fancy dress. Perfect location. Finest food. Largest guest list. Most expensive flower arrangements. It was an event society told me would be all about me. It was accepted and it was OK. Although, I was not a bridezilla. I wasn’t crazy or mean to the girls I surrounded myself with and called “bridesmaids.” I just knew what I wanted and made it known to the appropriate people.
Does babysitting count as a first job? Technically that’s the first work I did to earn money other than doing chores in exchange for an allowance.
I was a great babysitter. My mom taught me one very important thing: Leave the home cleaner than when you found it (on top of all other necessary duties). As a born over-achiever, this was always my goal; to receive praise to be the best babysitter these moms had ever seen. It worked, too. On top of that, I found that tidying someone else’s home was much easier than cleaning my own home. Besides, what else am I going to do while the kid naps? Sit around and watch TV? Well, it seems that’s what babysitters today do.
As I made the switch from Blogger I realized I needed something to call my blog other than 5 Hearts, One Family. Eventually I want to own my own website and 5Hearts just won’t fit if our family happens to grow to 6Hearts or 7Hearts.
So I pondered.
I did some free writing.
Then I did some thinking.
I discovered that grace has been a huge theme throughout my entire life. And from the looks of things, I’m going to be challenged in this area for years to come. I’m thinking of Marie as I type those words. She requires an extraordinary amount of grace from me. A grace I don’t hand out easily. A grace I’m not sure I’m all to familiar with in the first place.
I have recently found myself in the category of “mom who feels guilty.”
Last night I was feeling particularly agitated about all the kids. I think it may have started when Michael’s teacher talked to me twice this week about his behaviors. Then Denai tends to get clingy towards me in the evenings even though there is another adult around who enjoys kids hanging on his legs while he cooks dinner. And then there is Marie, a constant source of tension for me. All I wanted was to shut out the noise and not think about a child for maybe the duration of sitcom. Yet I didn’t do that. At least, not right away.
This morning I woke up in a terrible mood. I came out of the bedroom glaring at the world because, well, mornings and I aren’t close. However things in the house were alive with activity. Denai was running in circles screaming happily. Michael was somewhere getting ready for school – no tantrums yet as far as I could tell. Marie was cleaning the chaos from yesterday’s gift opening extravaganza and being loud in her own way. Mr. Sexy was doing dishes in between running around keeping everything running on course.
He didn’t notice me on the couch for about ten minutes. But when he did, he came over to tenderly touch my face and ask if I wanted coffee. I was still glaring – but he knows me. He left me alone with Words with Friends and went about his incredibly busy and productive morning.
My little brother has just gotten engaged and it’s causing me to ask myself what kind of marital picture Mr. Sexy and I portray.