It’s a tricky thing, this mom business. There is so much advice on the subject, too.
Ten Ways to Raise the Perfect Child
3 Things Not to Do to Destroy Your Child
Being a Mom is the Best Job in the World
5 Things You Must Say Every Day to Raise Healthy Children
It goes on and on and on and clutters my facebook feed. When did parenting become about the “dos and the don’ts?” When did it become so complicated?
My generally parenting philosophy is this: If I’m not doing something wrong, then I’m not doing anything right.
In order for me to be involved and alive in my kid’s lives, I need to be human. They need to see me have a melt down and then (hopefully) come back around. They need to see that when I lose my temper, I still love them – even if it takes a few beers or a few hours to get to that point. Fact is, I fail my kids. Every day I fail them because I’m flawed and there is no way that saying 5 magical words is going to fix human nature.
I fail Michael. I can’t give him the 2-parent home that God intended. Instead, he gets 4 parents, two “homes” and a bunch of half-siblings. Thus, this year has been rough. Heck, his entire life has been rough! The difference now is that he is in school and there is no more hiding from the emotional trauma he is enduring.
He will make it through this period, though. I have complete faith. We just have to help get him there.
I fail Marie. My writing and the language I use to talk about her spills over with how much I fail her. But I’m still here, aren’t I? I haven’t run away. I haven’t given up. I’m still fighting for something I’m not sure is even tangible. But I have faith that God works miracles and my heart is not immune to that.
Marie will come out on the other side and hopefully I will too. My dream: To go out for drinks (as adults of course) and be mistaken for best friends or sisters. (Because I will never look old enough to be her mom…right?)
I fail Denai. Just today I yelled at her to leave me alone and then I stormed out of the room so I could eat my breakfast in “peace.” She only just turned two, but she is already a sponge, hanging on to every word I say, every action I do. She is right there, wide eyed, and trying to copy me! But there is the other side to the coin. She copies me when I put on my makeup, when I style my hair, even the way I walk.
My hope is that as much as she and I are going to have the Battle of Wills, she is going to see me for what I am: deeply flawed, but trying again and again and again.
Needless to say, I don’t read those blogs or articles that give 10 ways to be a better parent. I’m wondering, how many people read those kinds of articles and walk away feeling worthy as a parent? I sure never have. Those types of posts seem to only point out what you are NOT doing. At least, that’s how it feels to me. You are probably very different from me and that’s okay.
So, cheers! I’m in the middle of another day – and – yes – Denai is not going down for her nap. Time for one of those battles I was telling you about!