Bad Dream, Bad Dream, Go Away

Do you ever feel like you’re living a bad dream that just won’t go away? Well, that’s how I have been feeling lately.

You see, there is this wedding…

Just kidding.Β Inside joke.

You see, there is this child. She is 13. Everybody likes her. Everybody seems to want to be her friend.

Her name is Marie and she is my step-daughter. Oh yes, she also has down syndrome.

Marie

The past few days have been particularly difficult. It feels like every time I turn around she has done it again: Sneaking food, stealing things from around the house, hiding things around her room, ignoring the simplest of directions, and so on.

I have been extra easily agitated lately. Perhaps it’s the family drama that big family events seem to always bring. Maybe it’s because I feel stressed about getting ready for our trip to Texas. Maybe it’s because I’m worried about spending a week with family we rarely get to see who may judge me for all my rules with my kids, particularly when it comes to Marie. And then, maybe I’m just tired. I have had a cold for going on three weeks now. That’s enough to drive anyone a little batty I would think.

All this to say: I. HAVE. HAD-IT!

When Marie had her own room, it was easy to keep her room spare of any extra toys or items that she Bad Dream Blogwould use inappropriately. Now she shares a room with two siblings, both of whom take pride in surrounding themselves with everything they hold dear. To top it off, I have purposely ignored the kid’s bedroom and playroom.

But I can’t ignore it anymore.

So, these past few days I have felt feelings that I haven’t felt for quite some time. This makes me sad. I want to move past the wishes of an ugly, selfish heart. I want to remain the mom that Marie calls, “beautiful” as she walks by. The mom who can rationally give out consequences instead of punishments ruled by anger.

What I am reminding myself is this: This life I lead was NOT my idea. But it WAS God’s. He always knew I would be Marie’s mom. So even though I fail time and time again, Marie’s mom I remain to be.Β 

It feels like a bad dream. But that’s not reality. I’m wide awake and living a good life.

Bad Dream Blog 2

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2 thoughts on “Bad Dream, Bad Dream, Go Away

  1. Looking forward to reading more. I’ve experienced the ” bad dream” moments myself and thankfully have been able to find peace in some of our family dynamics that prove frustrating. Now about that cold, yes, we seem to have had a family member sick since November so I totally get what you are saying. πŸ™‚ get plenty of fresh air and sunshine when you can, even if it’s hard to just get out the door, do it! ( speaking to myself of course) next, find some sublingual vitamin Bs. They are good for you and give you energy! Also, if your winter has been as long as ours has you most likely need some extra vitamin D. Can you believe my husband, my daughter and self ALL tested deficient in D?! If you don’t want to take random bloggers advice of course I understand but maybe ask your Dr about it.

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  2. I go through these bouts where I am hyper active and doing all the things and getting so much stuff done and laundry doesn’t sit on the spare bed waiting to be folded for days. Then every once in awhile, it’s all “oh well, those clothes don’t really fit in their drawers anyway. best wait until there’s room. and then next thing I know I am adding another pile of clean clothes to the already existing pile. and then that mountain seems too high to climb. so I watch Netflix. ha
    but it all comes back around again. I think sometimes its the brains’ way of making us moms take a bit of a break. to step back. so I’ve started to enjoy the rest while it lasts now — for I know it will get busy again soon enough.
    and like you say, in the midst of all it, life is pretty darn good. πŸ™‚

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