Seasons Come and Go

Friends are for a season

I’m not always okay with that. In fact, it can feel quite painful. Almost like betrayal. It feels like a heavy loss when a season of friendship ends. I usually feel hurt, angry and then I (try to) mask those emotions with apathy. That last part doesn’t work out very well.

I value friendship greatly. You might even say I value friendship more than family. My parents moved us away from extended family when I was about 12 years old. We went from celebrating every major holiday and birthday with lots of aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents to only seeing a handful of them once or twice a year. I still miss that I didn’t get to grow up with my cousins. Beyond our Facebook friendship, I feel like we are strangers. So, instead of holidays filled with family, my holidays were filled with friends. They were mostly church friends – a church family is the name often used.

Denominations

I began to put my friends on pedestals. When they let me down I was devastated. When friendship was lost my world went dark. If my best friend started hanging out with someone new, jealousy played it’s part. My mom used to tell me that some friendships come and go like the seasons. God knows what and who we need in our lives. It turns out she was right. There are seasons in friendships. In my experience, there are seasons in all friendships. This knowledge does not make the loss feel any less painful.

Ideally: I want all my best friends to be my best friends for our entire lives.

Ghost Friends

Realistically: I’m not sure there is such a thing as a best friend.

sad best friend

Since I met Marie, seasons of friendships have passed through rather quickly. Some disappeared by not responding to invitations to get together. Some slowly dissipated and we both seemed to know an end was inevitable. Then others thought I was flat out crazy, shared their “insights” with others and never spoke to me again.

Things are different now, though. I no longer feel the need to have a lot of friends. I’m happy with one or two good ones.  Or three. Three is about perfect I think.

I have been praying for friendships for a long time. And one by one, God answered my prayers. I only recently realized how intricately involved God has been in bringing my girls into my life. They are each very different. But the one thing they have in common is the ability see past my flaws and love me still. These friendships fill my heart with more gratitude than they realize.

Dirty Best Friends

Perhaps this season will end. Perhaps it will be sad. But it will be worthwhile. Or perhaps we will remain friends until the end of time…

lazy friends

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10 thoughts on “Seasons Come and Go

  1. I think as we grow older we do not need the best friend type relationships anymore. My husband became my best friend. I still have friends. But I don’t feel that any of them would have my back 24/7 the way that Richard always did. I’m okay with that….NOW!

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    • Yes I feel that way too. But then when I told him he was my best friend, he said I had to have a real best friend because there are some things he just isn’t meant to hear. Or another confident. Title doesn’t matter I guess. But he is right. Sometimes I need my girlfriend’s ear to listen to my emotions. 🙂

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  2. Hey, I am exactly the same way!!! I actually have a best friend since 7th grade and I am 40!! We are still going strong and I can’t imagine my life without her. She has been through so much with me. I am with you, I tire of making new friends, but a few that I have are worth it. I hope you get some lasting besties. 🙂 Happy New Year!

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  3. It’s taken me a long time to understand that I don’t need 4,305 friends who I don’t REALLY know well and who don’t REALLY know me; I just need a handful of really close friends with whom I can share myself – the good, the bad, and the ugly. I have a couple of close “real life” friends, but I also have a few friends who I’ve met through the magic of the internet – blogging buddies like you. (Or maybe they’re just people I stalk – Hmm. LOL)

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  4. My nana told me there are three types of friends: friends for a reason; friends for a season and friends for life. All frienships are important, even the ones that don’t last forever

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  5. I’ve always been able to let friendships go — which may, or may not be a good thing about me. I think it’s just a side affect from moving several times when I was younger; so I couldn’t have that BFF since kindergarden. And family was always priority. Which since my family is amazing – is the most incredible blessing. So grateful.
    But, I’ve also got along better with the boys. Strange I suppose — but I could never tolerate the drama I witnessed between the girls I knew. Not so much now as a grown woman of course – but you’d be surprised how often I do still see it. When I became a new mom, I found other moms to be so judgemental or competitive or jealously comparing our lives, or, just not available to me because they were always focused on their own kids (not a bad thing of course). It wasn’t the “club” I thought it would be. Which is why I am so grateful that my husband is my best friend in many ways. I’ve been told that is not healthy – that you need outside friends too, and of course, you do. But honestly, he’s the only person who has ever, truly let me – Be ME. which is kinda why I married him. and I think that is exactly how a best friend should be.
    Other than that, I do have 2 really great girl friends that I have known for over 10 years, and they are a blessing. Added to that is my lovely and amazing step sister. My heart feels quite feel with these people in my life; and in my corner. 🙂

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