BOOM BOOM BOOM
It sounded far away through the orange plugs in my ears.
I reached my hand out to touch Mr. Sexy as I often do through a sleepy haze in the middle of the night. There is something so comforting in touch whether it’s a foot wrapped around his leg or my hand lying on his chest.
Instead my hand fell straight to the mattress.
Wow, it’s already time for him to get up for work?
But wait, no…that can’t be right…
I’m pretty sure today is Saturday.
Yes! Today is Saturday. He should be sleeping next to me and we should remain so until the sun is well in view and the kids are taking turns jumping from the new bunk bed.
Then I realized I heard voices. But the TV wasn’t on.
I’m so confused.
I took out my ear plugs and could hear loud male voices. One was Mr. Sexy and he sounded…different. Nervous, maybe even a little scared.
Who was the other voice?
It must be our roommate.
Our roommate! Something terrible and awful must have happened for him to come back like this! (He stays with us Monday nights through Thursday nights.)
WHAT IS GOING ON!!!
Then I began to understand some of the words.
“Where is your wife! We need to see your wife right NOW!”
Now it sounded like a cop.
They’re coming to get me! Who would have called them out here in the middle of the night?!?! I haven’t done anything wrong! At least…I don’t think so…
“My wife is sleeping.”
“We need to see that she is okay, sir!”
At this point I ventured out of the bedroom. (Mr. Sexy later told me NEVER to do that again. If it had been different, like a murderous hobo, I just put myself in harm’s way.)
What I found was: (Don’t laugh…ok, laugh a little. We do.)
Mr. Sexy and his wild sleepy-time hair wearing nothing but boxer shorts and squinting his eyes at the cops.
Cops. As in plural.
Three cops stood in our doorway, with flashlights out and hands ready to grab their weapons if needed.
What. The. @#$%. (Pardon my french but seriously. What. The. You know what’s next.)
According to Mr. Sexy, seeing me seemed to confuse the cops and calm them down all at the same time.
I was squinting, too, because somebody thought all the lights needed to be on. But at least I was wearing clothes.
They asked urgent questions such as:
“What is your name?!”
“What is your phone number?!”
“Is this 456 Parrot Road?!” (I totally made that address up for the sake of crazy internet people.)
They finally relaxed and decided the domestic phone call that had been cut off did not come from our house. I’m not gonna lie, I was wondering who called 911 in duress from our house. I sort of thought it could have been Michael…but honestly, that makes no sense now, in the daylight of things.
The cops took off to try the next house on our road – there are only three.
They didn’t even apologize.
All we could do for a few minutes was sit on the couch and stare at each other. I was shaking a bit. Waking up to cops on the verge of breaking down the door is not normal for us. But, we are the Sexy family. Strange things do tend to happen to us.
We don’t know what happened after that with the search for the domestic situation. We hope everything is ok. Mr. Sexy said he actually appreciated their hostility because had we been that phone call, hostility from the cops would be warranted. Mr. Sexy was almost surprised he wasn’t jumped right away.
I bet they were surprised to see such a sexy naked man.
Does anybody else have similar stories? I would love to hear them.
Now Mr. Sexy and I chuckle when we think about it. It’s crazy. Absolutely insane. And now I know: Don’t come out without my husband telling me it’s okay because what if next time it’s a crazy burglar hobo with nothing to lose?