Am I ready?

I am about to write for five uninterrupted minutes on the prompt, ready.  I will re-read it when I’m done and will probably fix the silly typos I always make but I will not edit the content – regardless of how messy it feels.  I hope you like it!

The plan has always been: Have two kids together then adopt one.  That was the plan.  It is the plan…We had the one baby together.  That’s Denai.  She is my favorite Denai!  She is way to cute and already “works it” with both of us to get what she wants.  Oh dear.  So, naturally, there should be another baby in the works. 

But am I ready? 

Honestly, I’m not sure I was ready for Denai.  We got pregnant because of my scheduled plans. But it worked.  I got pregnant right on schedule.  So I suppose God was in that.  So I should continue with my schedule … and see if God honors that as well?

I just don’t know.  

See, while I’m still in my twenties, well, let’s just say Mr. Sexy isn’t getting any younger (love you babe;).  Not that he is too concerned about age anyways.  He is awesome like that. 

I just don’t feel ready for another baby like I thought I felt ready for Denai.  

I have three kids.  One I share custodoy, the other I don’t but we have our issues, and then there’s the baby who already battles me with a stubbrnness I know well.  

I want Denai to have a sibling who is closer to her age.  I am reminded of that when other tiny people come around to play. 

But, another baby?  Another round of diapers?  My body not being my own? Hiding the glass of wine I will enjoy over my pregnant belly? The threat of not having alone-selfish-mommy time? 

Hmmmm….

 

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8 thoughts on “Am I ready?

  1. Ready, not ready. We can beat ourselves up with that question when it comes to having children. I will just tell you what a preacher said during a sermon one time, “If you wait until you are ready, you will never be ready.” Thank you so much for sharing this. ~Leigha, dropping by from FMF

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  2. Well when we already had two and were debating the issue and kinda landing on the side of “done”, we had a date night and wine came along and then this convo:
    me: uh oh… I am not sure if I am still safe, or if it stops being effective as soon as you stop taking it??!! (I had just quit the Pill because it made me really sick)
    him (or possibly the wine): ahhhh, what's the odds… of one time? really.
    me (definitely the wine): yeah, I suppose. God would really have a sense of humour right?
    God: LOL
    9 months later: baby #3
    I just like sharing that story 🙂

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  3. Your words steal my heart. It seems while are hearts scream we are ready to have those dreams we dream, our minds scream we are not. Maybe because our mind knows all too well the changes that are fixing to happen. You're ready friend!!!

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