Gossip

It’s such a cliche term, right?

At least, I used to think so.

However the past 3 years have shown me how costly a “cliche” term, such as gossip, can be.

I have lost best friends.  Yup.  That’s plural.

A few of my best friends had some concerns for me and my family.  Instead of approaching me and my husband, they met in secret with each other.  They gave us an ultimatum: I leave my house or they call the cops.

Was something that drastic necessary?  No.  We were already neck deep in counseling and learning to be a family.  Did I mention yet that we had been a family for only 3 months?

One of my friends apologized (that same night actually) and saw how things took a turn for the worse.  However, that relationship never was the same.  And it pains me even today.

My other friend lied to me and my husband.  They called the cops even after I went to stay at my parent’s house as they had demanded.

Have you ever felt such a violation?  In those moments of being driven away from my family by my brand new husband, I had nobody.  At least, that’s what the big feelings told me.

When the cop showed up at my house he expressed sorrow to my husband for our predicament.  My family was eating dinner – without me – and our house was immaculately cleaned and ready for Marie’s birthday party the next day.  The cop had no cause for concern and told Mr. Sexy how he often gets calls like these.  Calls that amount to nothing.

But my family was left in pieces.  Pieces we seem to still be picking up. 

Some time goes by.  I can’t think how long.  This part is jumbled.

A blog I used to have became some sort of small internet sensation.  One person, a “troll” is what I think they are called, saw a few pieces I had written and wrote disgusting things on her blog about me.  She used my site address, my name and any other personal information she could find.  She had a very large readership.  Soon friends and family were getting emails calling me despicable names.  The cops were called and CPS became involved.

All this happened because of gossip.

Around that same time some people from my home church called my family pastor with concerns for me and Marie.

This was a church I called family.  I grew up there.  Many knew my family well.  Yet they still had the audacity to go behind my back.  Gossip.  

Again, there was betrayal and the feeling of being violated.

Church is supposed to be safe.  Church is supposed to reserve judgement.  Church is supposed to be about people.

Fast forward to right now.

My family moved away from that area one year ago.  It was a difficult move but the right one.  However I have missed my church tremendously.  So this past weekend we went to their family camp.

We had a wonderful time.  It was exactly what our family was needing.  Marie and I had many good moments together.  She talked to me and we played together and laughed together.  Family tensions were put at rest and I was able to practice letting go of control.  At times it was difficult.  But I had the support of my husband.  I had the support of my church family.

Or did I?

It seems someone has once again gone to the pastor to express concerns. 

Now, at this point, if I were you, I would be thinking, “There must be cause for some sort of concern if this keeps happening.”

But really?

The betrayal.  The violation of my family.  Every single instance is brought back all at once.  

I can’t breathe.  My heart is beating hard and fast.  I’m shaking and I feel nervous.

Trust is becoming a thing of the past for me.

 I have 4 friends that I can still trust with the realities of my life.  My husband is one of them.  The other is a strong believer and has been my rock over and over again.  The other two don’t regularly attend church although I will pass no judgments on their religious standpoints. They are better friends than many of my Christian friends. This is my circle.  These four people have chosen to address concerns to me and my husband directly.  I know this because it has happened!  And you know what?  We are better friends for it!  

Gossip is no cliche.  Gossip tears relationships apart.  It rips up families and wears down a person.

I am feeling worn down.  I want to give up the fight.  And that is just where Satan wants me.  

But praise God my husband has recently been lifted from years and years of physical bondage.  He will tell that story soon.  But I have to mention it now.  He is now energized in ways I have not seen in a long time, if ever.  He is showing me compassion, withholding his judgments and loving me if only because Jesus loves me.

I cannot describe the pain I feel.  It’s a pain that seems to continue to build each time I face the same battle.

I want the gossip to stop.  Even when it’s hard.  I want it to stop.  Because this gossip shit is getting all of us nowhere.  In fact, it’s a hot tool that Satan is using in your life, and now,  in my life.

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8 thoughts on “Gossip

  1. I hear exactly what you are saying. In fact last night I told my granddaughter (age 12) who worries so much about what people think about her that she only needs to care what her parents think, what her grandparents think and what her REAL friends think. And real friends don't talk about you behind your back. You didn't lose any friends through all this……they weren't your friends in the first place

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  2. This post is the truest of true. Unfortunately, I think gossip will always be something that will hang around – people are insecure, jealous and very judgemental and sadly that will probably never change. I have lost several friends over stupid gossip and one friend we had been like sisters for over 10 years. Just like that a friendship is ruined and things will never be the same. It's very sad but I am beginning to learn that as long as you realize the trust between true family and true friends, that makes life a little better to get through rather than having the other friends you feel you need to walk on egg shells with.

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  3. I completely reject the notion that as I Christian it is my “duty” to go around and call everyone out on their bad behaviour. Or rather – what I deem to be their bad behaviour. Which is completely subjective. Unfair. Judgemental. Rude. Yet — I know very many Christians who do this…. and it always, always backfires. Mostly because it is rarely down in Love. Or with an ounce of understanding and compassion. I would always prefer someone to speak with me directly; and I would absolutely give them the same due and respect. The only instance is if I have witnessed actual child abuse — then as a Sunday School Teacher I do have to inform the Pastor/authorities immediately and they will deal directly with the individual (but that's not gossip — that is me as an eye witness.)
    Such people drove me away from my home church back in my hometown. But when I came back to God – or rather, just the physical church, I vowed I would not let that happen again.
    And it's sad when you get more support from your non believer friends.

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  4. Sadly, too many people find pleasure in talking about others because it keeps them from having to confront the flaws in their own lives. Even sadder, Christians can often be the worst offenders. I am so sorry that people who you counted as friends have betrayed you by gossiping about you. I'm so glad you have some rock-solid people still in your life, though, who you can depend on during rough times.

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  5. Like so many other things in this world, gossip isn't new. It's ancient. But that doesn't make the struggle any easier! I have actually tried to reconcile with my friends but received no response and I probably won't ever speak to or see them again. It's sad.

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  6. I have been in the judgmental seat myself. :-/ It's hard not to. Child abuse is a sticky subject. I understand the concern – even the concern others (strangers) may have for my family (or think they have). I think what really hurt the most is that so much of this came from the church body. It's totally backwards. I know things are screwed up in my family. We are in family counseling for crying out loud!

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