Some people think I have my husband wrapped around my little finger. I guess in some respects, I do – but not in the way that so many seem to perceive. What others sometimes see, is I say, “jump,” and he responds, “how high?” This is a false perception of our relationship. In fact, I dated a guy like that. It turned out that having a doormat for a boyfriend got boring fast which quickly turned into annoyance and then to resentment.
Friends have told us that I am spoiled and that Mr. Sexy does too much for me. For instance, the other night we got all snuggled in bed, ready for sleep. Of course that’s when I realized I forgot to get water for my middle of the night cravings and my terrible morning breath. I didn’t even have to ask. Mr. Sexy was already up and headed to the kitchen. So, am I being spoiled or taken care of?
When I start demanding things from my husband, I creep into the area of being spoiled. It turns out that he likes to be asked to do things. This gesture alone tells him I don’t take him for granted and I appreciate what he does for me.
Believe it or not, I struggle to ask for something as simple as a cup of water. My husband amazes me with how nice and kind he is to me. When I tell him these things, I can see he is flattered. Later he tells me that it’s also painful for him to hear.
Let me explain from his perspective: If I am literally the nicest and kindest man you have met, that means you have been surrounded by men and boys who are far less than who they were created to be.
The other night I witnessed an exchange between a husband and wife which made my blood boil. This couple had obviously been married for a very long time as they were surrounded by close friends, kids and grand kids. The wife seemed happy and excited to be surrounded by loved ones and cooking hot dogs over the campfire. She stood over the high flames and asked for her husband to please come cook their hot dogs. He was sitting a few feet away with a plate of salad.
“No way!” was his response. To make sure he was clear, he even said it twice.
His tone, his words and the look on his face suggested indignation at such an outlandish request from his wife.
The wife, who seemed to take it all in stride, shrugged and continued with the cooking for her and her husband.
It took only a moment for their close friend to volunteer to cook their hot dogs for them. As the friend bent down closer to the fire, the husband re-positioned as if to get up. At least, that’s what should have happened. Instead the husband remained sitting, engrossed in his salad, while his friend cooked his hot dogs.
The part that makes my blood boil is the example he has set for his own children on how to love and take care of and cherish his wife. Worse still: Both husband and wife seemed clueless that there was something amiss.
Perhaps the story I just shared hits close to home. Or maybe it doesn’t. Maybe it’s a normal that some say you just have to get used to. I bet many even think of telling me, “Just wait till you have been married 20 years.”
I do have a husband who spoils me. But it’s not in the way many think. He loves me every day as best he can. Sometimes that means getting me a cup of water in the middle of the night. Sometimes that means pausing his dinner to help me with mine. Sometimes that means taking the screaming baby out of the restaurant. Sometimes it means going to a social function when what he really feels like doing is relaxing at home.
I struggle with how nice and kind my husband is to me. I have never seen anybody treated the way I am treated. It’s a foreign idea – but it won’t be for my kids. Even now, Michael sees how his step-dad will go out of his way to do something kind for me. Michael already makes attempts to follow in these footsteps.
I don’t mean to stand on a soap box about my perfect marriage and my perfect family. We have issues just like you. My husband is not perfect and I have lots of stories to prove that. I am in counseling because I can’t figure out how to get over the resentment I feel towards my step-daughter. Michael is mean to his sisters when he thinks Mr. Sexy and I are not around. Denai is our little screamer and I already face battle of the wills with her.
We are not perfect. But we are challenged. Every day we are challenged. Are you?