Thank you Rory for such a fun topic! I love just about any excuse to talk about… well, okay. I typically save this subject for my girl friends. But today, it’s here at 5 Hearts.
What makes me feel the most confident/attractive/sexy? Do I think I’m sexy?
This is today’s topic.
When I got married I joked with Mr. Sexy that I was in the best shape of my life and he better enjoy it because once pregnancy would hit it would be gone forever. So far that seems to have been a true statement. Now, I’m not fat. But I’m not super thin and fit like I once was. And in my warped view of what sexy is/looks like: I, apparently, am not sexy.
I tell Mr. Sexy about how when I walk I can feel all my body parts jiggle and my thighs are huge and my arms ripple when I wave. He laughs and tells me that I’m stupid for worrying about stupid stuff. He doesn’t actually say I’m stupid. He’s much nicer than that. Silly is a better word.
However, I don’t quite believe him until he pulls me in for a passionate kiss and then I can feel just how sexy he thinks I am.
Some days I do feel sexy. It’s largely based on my mood. Which is highly effected by the weather. So basically, winter sucks and summer is great.
So between you and me: I don’t typically feel all that sexy. I wish that I did. It’s something I am working on because I should feel and know that I am sexy every day.
But wait. Perhaps sexiness and attractiveness and all that stuff is a bit more than just a feeling? Perhaps it’s knowing that I generally eat appropriately and I’m a fairly active person. Feelings lie all the time. Yet I give them a lot of weight in my life.
I grew up looking towards boys to make me feel attractive. I knew I was hot enough when they wanted to sleep with me. Those that didn’t or didn’t seem to try, well, I wasn’t good enough for them. I hope my own daughters don’t have to deal with so much pain.
Now, I look to my husband to feel attractive. Every once in a while I can see that a man walking by might look me up and down and the thought crosses my mind that, I still got it. But really, those boys don’t matter. What matters is my attractive husband who daydreams about me at work even though he will be coming home soon. That’s how much he likes me.
In a perfect world I would be content with my
imperfect body and completely be confident. Sadly, it’s not a perfect world and I, like many other women, struggle in feeling “good enough” for my husband because of my own comparisons to others.