Afraid: My Journey Through Parenthood

A is for Afraid.

I was afraid with each of my kids in very different ways.  It’s a rite of passage I think.  I heard somewhere that there should be a test for becoming a parent – much like a driver’s test.  Somehow I think I would fail that test.  Or I would ace it and do the opposite of whatever the “right” answer is.

One thing that has always helped me over come my fears is knowledge.  I found out I was pregnant when I was 19.  I had to breathe in a bag in the middle of the night.  I woke up my roommates on accident and they thought someone had died.  It was a fairly traumatic event.  So after dumping my boyfriend (whom I later got back together with and then we broke up one final time about a year later) and moving back in my with parents I started learning.  I let my mom take me to a Bradley Birthing class which – against all odds – convinced me that a natural childbirth and no drugs was the way to go.  And I did it!  I will forever be proud.

I had no clue how to be a parent so I took a few college classes.  They were designed more for teacher wannabe’s but as a momma wannabe I learned a lot of great stuff.  I still have the textbooks which helped me through each milestone till about 18 months.

Through all this I discovered a resilient young woman.

I’m still afraid.  I have to constantly combat my worries with truths.  For instance…

I’m afraid that Michael will grow up and decide to become a mormon like his step-mom.  I’m not going to rip on the religion.  People I know who are mormon are good and decent people.  But I want more for my son.  I want more for my kids.  I want my kids to understand what it means to have a relationship with Jesus.  I have never met a mormon who considers this a priority.  

I’m afraid that Marie will never move out of my house.  She has down syndrome and at 12 years old she struggles with basic math and self-help skills.  How is she ever going to figure out laundry or how to cook herself some decent meals?  

I’m afraid that Denai will grow up and have more regrets than she has toes and fingers.  I’m afraid that she is going to have sex too young and get pregnant before she’s ready.  Sound familiar?

I think I waste a lot of energy engaging in these thoughts.  Has Michael rejected Jesus yet?  Is Marie old enough to move out?  Denai isn’t even a one-year old!

Yet I’m already painting a picture of their future with my fears.

Now that’s just nasty.

 Here is the truth:

Michael is smart and curious about all things.  He asks questions and enjoys picking what he sees as the most logical choice.

 Marie has six years to learn how to make scrambled eggs and sort laundry.  If it ends up taking a little while longer then that’s okay too.  We will have kids in the house for a long time anyways!

Denai has her entire life ahead of her.  Right now she is learning that it’s not okay to throw her food on the floor and scratch my face.  For now, I will focus on that.

The truth is that as much as I screw up in my parenting ways, my kids will either turn out great or they won’t.  God knows their hearts.  Even when I don’t understand one bit about them, God does.

This is the A-Z blogging challenge.  Go ahead and read the introduction.

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19 thoughts on “Afraid: My Journey Through Parenthood

  1. It's sooooo hard to be a parent!!! Your post is so true, I fear so many things and my oldest is already 18. The saying is, little kids little problems, big kids big problems – TRUE TRUE TRUE!! All we can do is trust that they grow in the Lord and that He protects them. This is still a hard truth that my over-controlling heart is still learning. ❤ tricia

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  2. I was reading this thinking that you are going to drive yourself nuts with all these hypothetical fears- I know I would. But you have such a logical side that is able to see past your fears, and that side of you should be able to easily quash the unknown. But you already know that, clearly! What a full circle post :]!

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  3. My brother always says being a parent is having the ability to imagine every horrible thing; I think all parents worry constantly about their kids. Read through some of your other posts and have to tell you, I reconnected with the man who became my husband on Facebook too! Found you on the A-Z challenge.

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  4. I know just what you mean. You think you've been afraid in your life…and then you have a baby. Then you know real fear! I also am learning to let go of the fears and just trust Jesus to cover it. I enjoyed your post; I'm looking forward to the rest of your a-z posts.

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  5. First, I want to thank you for stopping by my blog http://meditationmotivationinspiration.blogspot.com/ Your post is all too familiar. I have similar fears about my children, my now 18 year old was diagnosed with Juvenile Type 1 Diabetes at the age of 8, my youngest and most active child now 16 was just recently diagnosed with Hashimoto's Disease and all I can do is just keep moving forward hoping we make it through. I try to keep positive and think good thoughts, it's too scary to go with the “what if's”.

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  6. hello! Your family looks so interesting and beautiful. Parenting IS a challenge, no matter how many kids or what type. But, it's so worthwhile! I tried to follow your blog, but the system would not let me. Google is acting up, I think. Do you have a facebook page? Maybe you could send me a link and I could stay connected that way. I did add you to my google+ friends. I found you through the A-Z. 🙂 here is my fb page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Adventures-in-the-Ballpark-Marianne-Ball/394038163950377?ref=hl

    and my blog: hhtp://adventuresintheballpark

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  7. Having children is walking around with your heart on the outside of your body. I worry too and have to remind myself to “chillax” as the kids say, as I don't want to waste time worrying when I could be spending it in the moment enjoying every single minute with them now. (A Fellow Homeschooler)

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  8. As a mom to three tween/teens… I'll be brutally honest, the worry, never, EVER, leaves you. My oldest is now starting to drive and that in itself instills a tremendous amount of fear…for good reason too! What I have learned along the way…. you have taught them all you can and at some point you have to trust that when put in a situation, they hear your voice and can make the right choices. It was great reading your post and I'll be following along on FB & Twitter! 🙂 {A-Z Challenge}

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  9. I think we all have these fears as mom. I definitely have to stop my spinning brain some days and just say “whoa mama — they aren't even out of Public School yet — give them time to finish growing!” I am pretty sure all our kids will get there just fine: because they got great mamas!! 🙂

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  10. You are so right that God knows the hearts of our kids. My kids are adults now and I STILL worry about them. But, as they've grown, I've learned they never belonged to me anyway. They were always God's, only on loan to me for awhile. We do the best we can as parents, and you sound like a dedicated, loving mom. God bless you, girl!

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