No matter how much I try to prepare for the smell of urine, it doesn’t seem to be enough. I still feel angry, disappointed, discouraged and frustrated.
I was able to avoid the basement for most of this morning. Then I needed some logs for the fireplace.
As I left the couch headed for the stairs I still felt the smallest sparkle of ‘what if?’. There is always the hope that the basement will not be engulfed with the pungent odor of Marie’s urine.
That hope disappeared.
I shut her bedroom door quietly. I shut out the smell, the anger, disappointments, discouragements and frustrations.
My daughter is 12 and wets her bed almost like clockwork. I say almost because over the last few months she has had short periods of staying dry. The first time I realized this I almost cried.
I was incredibly proud. I only realized she was dry because she walked by and I smelled… nothing. That’s weird because when she pees the stench is in her sheets, her skin and her hair. After peeing she curls up in her blankets to continue sleeping and doesn’t seem to be bothered. Anyways I smelled her sheets and they smelled like…nothing. This means not only was she dry that night but she had been dry for a while. I had still been making her clean her sheets every morning because I had lost all hope that she would ever be dry. I quit paying attention because it hurt too much. That may sound selfish but it’s the truth.
I made this a HUGE deal. We called the grandparents, we took pictures and we watched TV in our pj’s because that is what you do when you don’t have to wash your sheets and shower immediately.
She wasn’t peeing herself anymore so she was allowed to wear whichever night gown she wanted (the One Direction nightgown is her “pee nightgown” so only one will get ruined by the urine and frequent washings). Then about a week later, as we were getting used to our new morning routine which was slow, simple and easy, Marie put on her pee nightgown for bed. She broke the seal.
Since then it’s been hit and miss. For a while it seemed that she peed when wearing her pee nightgown but not when she wore her pretty princess nightgown. That theory got shot down. Then it seemed like she wouldn’t pee when she went to bed wearing clothes. That theory proved incorrect as well. Now Mr. Sexy wants to start all over with her which means waking her up every two hours to pee on the toilet. When she remains dry for a week she will get up every three hours, then four, and eventually she will be dry all night.
My opinion is that for some reason Marie makes the choice to wet her bed. She may make the choice based upon what she wears or how she is feeling. She may make that choice as she goes to bed or maybe she wakes up and decides to pee in bed. Heck, Michael made that choice just the other morning. I can understand that it seems easier to a kid to stay in bed and pee than to leave the warm blankets for a cold toilet. But every night making that choice?
Mr. Sexy has a theory that I scoff at but he truly believes it. Honestly, he’s pretty smart and excellent at reading people. He knows Marie and I better than anybody in this world. And that’s his theory: Her struggles with bed wetting are completely emotional which in large part revolve around her relationship with me. He tells me all the time that Marie and I have desires to connect but neither of us have a clue on how to do it. We constantly miss the mark.
The reason I scoff at Mr. Sexy’s theory is because he is pretty convinced she started staying dry after one night of drunken connection. Wow that sounds really bad. Let me explain.
Mr. Sexy was working that night at his second job which left me home with the girls. We had a busy day and Marie didn’t have a chance to work on her homework. So I decided to keep her up and make her get it all finished. The plan was for me to grab a beer and watch TV while Marie worked upstairs. Instead my beer and I parked at the table with Marie. It was incredible entertainment as I watched her figure out sentences to go with her spelling words. The beer helped me to relax and ignore the imperfections I seemed to always find in her. Instead I saw a sweet girl working really hard on her homework.
I connected. We connected.
A few hours later she was done with homework and ready for bed. That is when I laid everything out for her. I put my heart on my sleeve for her and let her know just what I was feeling. I won’t go into the details just know tears, hugs and smiles were involved.
It was about a week or so after that when I noticed Marie was dry.
Perhaps Mr. Sexy is onto something with his theory. I want to agree with him because it almost makes sense. Marie desires my approval so much and I desire emotional connection with her. Yet it’s still so hard.
I’m incredibly frustrated about the bed wetting. It’s hard for me to ignore it in the mornings because I’m incredibly disappointed. She is better. She is so capable. I tell her that every morning. But I also tell her that I am mad that she pees. I know that’s wrong and not a loving way to handle the situation. That’s why I shut her bedroom door in the mornings. It gives me time to process my emotions so they aren’t so hot for her.